The World According to Jasper Carrott

Let’s face it, insurance is a pretty dry subject to read about-unless you’re looking at the world through the cynical eyes of British comedian Jasper Carrott, who has made a fine art form of poking fun at the insurance industry and the people who try to take advantage of it. If you’ve never had the privilege of listening to Jasper Carrott (which is pretty easy to do considering that his shows are all over YouTube – check them out some time) he’s one of the few people in the world who doesn’t work for an insurance company and can tell you that Darwin’s theory is still alive, well and driving around out on the roads!

As Jasper Carrott will tell you, when you drive a bike or a car out on the road you’re going to have accidents. You have an accident, you fill out an auto insurance claim form giving, in detail, your own description of how the accident took place. The comedian has been collecting these claims forms (and the ridiculous descriptions printed on them) for over forty years. Here’s an example of some of the finest, funniest and most bizarre statements ever made by drivers in the US, the UK and Australia (where “they do the same things we do, but they do it much better!).

·         Leaving for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was five minutes early.

·         I bumped into a lamp post which was obscured by human beings.

·         Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got.

·         The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

·         I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault, as he’d been knocked over before.

·         The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

·         The bloke was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

·         I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found I had an injured skull.

·         I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.

·         I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he banged off the bonnet of my car.

And people say insurance agents have no sense of humor….

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