US Life Post

I recently watched the girlie flick ‘He’s just not that into you’ with a girlfriend, and I must say, the movie raised a few eyebrows, and resulted in a few ‘aaghhh’. Without giving too much away for those who have yet to see the movie, this film addressed the issues of dating and understanding what men think and what men want.

Whilst most women would probably think that they have a pretty good understanding of the male species; the movie otherwise proves that we know very little. Surprisingly, the movie encompassed somewhat an educational tone, with one particular male character explaining the sly moves of men, and the common one liner. Interestingly, the women in the movie were perceived to be rather unaware of the male antics that go on when it comes to dating, and other women.

So, despite the somewhat depressed feelings that followed after watching the movie, I also found it to be educating and entertaining. For the men out there that continue to use these one liners, and bestow the gift of the silver tongue upon women, all I can say is ‘watch out’. Your secrets have been revealed and if they thought women were suspicious, most girlfriends and wives will now be investing in therapy and private investigators.

Interestingly, the movie touched on various key issues that most day to day people encounter. For instance, the issue of being together for years, and not discussing the idea of marriage was raised. Lets face it, most women will commit to a relationship and put time and effort if they know that they are going to end up with a rock on their finger. Now, what happens if you don’t know this? What do you do when you and your partner appear to conquer all milestones together, except marriage? We see this even amongst celebrities. In fact, Harrison Ford only recently proposed to Calista Flockhart after being together for seven years! Now, most of us would have put our foot down and walked away. So what makes a woman stick around and wait for that rock? Do we actually fool ourselves into thinking that ‘it’s only a matter of time’, or ‘women mature faster than men, and maybe he’s just not ready’.

According to men, if there is hesitation at the idea of marriage, then it’s a sure sign that the relationship is probably not going to proceed past the point than what it is presently at. Now, we can also look at if from another angle and ask ourselves why people are so damn obsessed with marriage. There are many couples who have children and who are not married. Some people are able to commit to a lifelong relationship without having to spend thirty thousand dollars to declare this commitment to the world.

This debate will continue to be ongoing, and at the end of the day, each to their own. The issue however, relates to the women who want to get married, have the house with the white picket fence and the children running around. The partner on the other hand, wants the opposite. Whilst we are all individuals and have our own desires, why is it that women remain in these relationships when they are wanting something completely different. Surely the sex cannot be that good that it would prevent one from being completely happy? I’m sure that is what the guy is telling himself though. He is well aware that his girlfriend wants to get married, but continues to put his foot down, and gets away with it too. So what does one do? For most women, we become accustomed to the relationship, and sometimes, walking away is rather difficult. Being in love with the person doesn’t help matters either, and for women, it’s extremely difficult to walk away from the man you love, despite the fact that they may be unwilling to commit further to the relationship.

The movie also depicted men to be rather weak in actually saying what it is that they think. For instance, various men in the movie provided fantastic one liners to women, giving them the impression that they enjoyed their date immensely only to never be heard from again. Now for the women, this became extremely confusing. Showered with compliments and false promises of future meetings, the women would wait around by the phone in anticipation of the first phone call following the date. For most, they waited to no avail. The movie revealed that for men, this was simply a game. The fantastic compliments and false promises were exactly that – fantastic and false. Men simply do not have the capacity to say that they aren’t interested. Rather, they find it easier to avoid the topic and let women walk away thinking that the date was fabulous and start planning the wedding. Now, most of us wonder why this is. Perhaps it is because men dislike the idea of dealing with an emotional woman, and in being quite honest, most of us would let the tears run free if we were told that the date was not particularly enjoyed by the male counterpart. Despite the fear of being drowned by an avalanche of emotion, the men in this movie were represented to be rather pathetic, unable to express their true thoughts and lacking in any aspects of honesty. For most women, if they are not interested in the man, we throw the “I just want to be friends” line, and most of the time this gives the message loud and clear that we are not interested.

Further questions raised were in relation to fidelity. At one point in a marriage does it become okay to lie and cheat on your partner? Once gain, weakness and fear of reprisal were expressed in the movie whereby one husband realised that he had married too young, and had thus consequently missed out on meeting other people. Despite this being a common scenario for a lot of people, it does not change the fact that cheating and lying to your long term partner is still something that is relatively frowned upon. Nevertheless, for some men and I say some as I don’t want to generalize, use the excuse of ‘I wasn’t ready for marriage’ as reasoning for having affairs and destroying the lives of those they apparently love and care for. It appears that a common theme has emerged, and this is portrayed well throughout the movie. Like the men who find it difficult to express how they feel in relation to the date they attended, some men actually fall into relationships because either they have been unable to assert themselves into admitting how they really feel, or because the woman has managed to provide an extremely persuasive argument into why it is that they should be together. Whatever the reason, the portrayal of the young committer is all too common today.

Whether the guy is into us or not, a key point made in the movie encompassed the freedom to express how one feels without fear of rejection. Being able to take risks, meet others and lay your heart on the line was represented as being far better than placing giant walls around you and avoiding relationships for fear of what might come out of it. The conclusion of the movie grasped the concept of living without fear, expressing yourself openly and being honest with the other person to ensure that the decisions made in relation to relationships and love are clear and reciprocated by the other. A great movie to watch for both men and women; providing not only entertainment; but some philosophies around love and commitment.